Love isn’t just about butterflies or Sunday brunches—it’s about how two people show up for each other, grow together, and navigate the tricky bits without losing themselves in the process.
What true love actually looks like (spoiler: it’s not constant romance)
Let’s clear something up: real love doesn’t always look like it does in films. There are no perfect montages set to acoustic guitar. Instead, it’s a series of choices, actions, and (let’s be honest) the occasional argument about whose turn it is to take out the bins.
Experts in relationships say that the strongest couples tend to share some very specific traits—signs that their love is both genuine and built to last. Think of them less like a checklist and more like a compass: tools to help you understand where your relationship stands, and how you might make it even better.
Humour, connection and healthy selfishness go a long way
If you and your partner still laugh until your stomachs hurt—even after a bad day—that’s a brilliant sign. Humour and emotional connection help create a sense of ease and shared understanding that can carry couples through everything from flatpack furniture meltdowns to family Christmases.
But don’t forget the “healthy selfishness” bit. It’s vital that both partners maintain a sense of self. That means having space for your own goals, interests, and friendships. A good relationship supports your growth rather than swallowing you whole.
Growing together—and apart
The happiest couples don’t do everything together. And that’s a good thing.
They cheer each other on from the sidelines, whether it’s a career change, a new hobby, or just a night out with friends. Then they come back together to share those experiences. This balance—shared quality time mixed with independence—is often what keeps things fresh and fulfilling.
Shared experiences build stronger bonds
From weekend getaways to late-night dance sessions in the kitchen, couples who create memories together tend to form stronger emotional ties. Psychologists call this “emotional arousal”—not that kind—but rather, moments that trigger excitement, surprise, or joy.
Try a new sport, go to a gig, or book that trip you keep talking about. These shared highs become a kind of emotional glue.
Conflict happens—but it should never get ugly
Disagreements? Completely normal. Emotional explosions or icy silences that last days? Not so healthy.
Happy couples know how to argue with respect. That means no name-calling, no passive-aggressive digs, and no shouting matches in the middle of Sainsbury’s. They listen, stay calm, and aim to understand—not just win.
Appreciation isn’t optional
It’s easy to get comfortable and forget to say “thank you” for the little things—like remembering to grab your favourite biscuits. But showing gratitude and admiration regularly can significantly boost your relationship satisfaction, say researchers at the Gottman Institute.
Feeling lucky to be together isn’t cheesy—it’s actually the foundation of lasting love.
Trust is the ultimate love language
Without trust and emotional safety, love starts to feel like walking on eggshells. Happy couples build a space where both people feel secure enough to be themselves—flaws and all. They’re honest, open, and have each other’s backs, even when life gets messy.
Keep problems between the two of you (or your therapist)
Running to friends or family to vent about your partner can do more harm than good. While it’s natural to seek support, couples who protect their privacy and deal with issues internally tend to recover from rough patches faster. And when outside help is needed, turning to a qualified relationship counsellor is far more effective than airing grievances in group chats.
Public drama? No thanks.
Happy couples keep their conflicts behind closed doors. Public spats or icy silence at dinner parties don’t just make everyone uncomfortable—they also erode trust within the relationship. Keeping a united front doesn’t mean pretending everything’s perfect, but it does mean respecting each other in front of others.
Speak clearly and kindly
Expressing needs and boundaries is essential—but it shouldn’t feel like a negotiation. The healthiest relationships are built on direct, honest communication, not emotional blackmail or silent treatments. You should feel safe saying what you want without being made to feel guilty or small.
Your relationship comes first—even during conflict
When arguments happen, couples with strong bonds don’t fall into the trap of “me versus you.” Instead, they frame it as “us versus the problem.” That mindset makes it easier to find compromises, avoid manipulative behaviour, and preserve the love you’ve built.
Love means acceptance—not perfection
And finally, the real test of love isn’t how well you handle the good days. It’s how well you accept your partner on the tough ones. Mutual acceptance, flaws and quirks included, is what keeps a relationship strong over the years.
You don’t need someone who’s perfect. Just someone who sees your imperfections and loves you all the same.
Whether your relationship is rock-solid or feeling a bit off-kilter, these signs can help you reflect, adjust, and reconnect. Because at the end of the day, love isn’t a fixed state—it’s something we build, nurture, and choose every single day.
